How To Live – Derek Sivers

book cover

Being on the private email list of Derek Sivers has some advantages (anyone can be on the list, it is not something elitist, just go here: https://sive.rs/list). One advantage is getting early access to Derek’s new work. How To Live is Derek’s new book, he pointed me to through the email list. I bought it and read it.

As the title suggests, the book is great guidance for life. It is packed with great advice and categorized into 27 topics. The advice is sometimes contradictory, and Derek does not hide that: he gave the book the subtitle “27 conflicting answers and one weird conclusion.” And I don’t care either; life is contradictory.

Much of the advice Derek has thought up or gathered in this book may have its origins in Buddhism and Stoicism, and I think it also builds on folks like Nassim Taleb (Antifragile), Kevin Kelly and Seth Godin.

The book is way too dense to summarize in any way. Here are some parts by topic that I found useful for myself.

Be independent.

Instead, do what you’d do if you were the only person on Earth.

Commit.

You and your best friends don’t decide anew daily whether you’re friends or not. You are friends, without question. You’re committed to each other, even if you’ve never said so. That’s what’s wonderful about it. Commit to your habits to make them rituals.

Fill your senses.

Never have the same thought twice.

Do nothing.

Expressing your anger doesn’t relieve it. It makes you angrier. Actions often have the opposite of the intended result. People who try too hard to be liked are annoying.

The stock market takes money from active traders and gives it to the patient.

Think super-long-term.

Imagine your future self judging your current life choices. When deciding, ask yourself how you’ll feel about it when you’re old.

We overestimate what we can do in one year. We underestimate what we can do in ten years. If you take up a new hobby at forty, or whatever age you think is too late, you’ll be an expert by the age of sixty.

Your future self is depending on you. Your descendants depend on you. Our future generations are depending on us. Use the compounding amplifier of time.

Make memories.

Remember them all. Document everything, or you’ll eventually forget it. Nobody can erase your memories, but don’t lose them through neglect. Journal every day.

Turn your experiences into stories. A story is the remains of an experience.

Derek Sivers

Master something.

Pick one thing and spend the rest of your life getting deeper into it. Mastery is the best goal because the rich can’t buy it, the impatient can’t rush it, the privileged can’t inherit it, and nobody can steal it. You can only earn it through hard work. Mastery is the ultimate status.

Concentrating all of your life’s force on one thing gives you incredible power. Sunlight won’t catch a stick on fire. But if you use a magnifying glass to focus the sunlight on one spot, it will. Mastery needs your full focused attention.

Define “success” for yourself. Describe the outcome you want. You can’t hit a target you can’t see.

You need to understand something very counter-intuitive about goals. Goals don’t improve your future. Goals only improve your present actions. A good goal makes you take action immediately.

Once you get momentum, never stop. It’s easy to continue, but it’s hard to start again if you stop. Never miss a day.

Take tiny breaks when working to go longer than most.

Pursue your mission at the expense of everything else.

You do it for the journey, not the destination.

Let randomness rule.

Let the random generator decide what you do, where you go, and who you meet. Let the random generator make your artistic decisions when doing creative work, shaking up your usual style.

Random stuff happens. All you can control is your response. Every day, you’ll practice reacting to chaos: with dignity, poise, and grace.

Pursue pain.

Comfort is a silent killer. Comfort is quicksand. The softer the chair, the harder it is to get out of it. The right thing to do is never comfortable. How you face pain determines who you are. Be a famous pioneer.

This is the power of the pioneer: to enable the impossible, to open a new world of possibility, to show others that they can do it too, and to take it even further.

Chase the future.

Work as a futurist and technology journalist. Stay on the cutting edge of things so new they barely exist.

Old friends and family see you as you used to be and unintentionally discourage your growth.

Value only what has endured.

Be aware of the Lindy effect I mentioned in a previous post – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lindy_effect and Grandmother’s wisdom of Nassim Taleb.

The longer something lasts, the longer it will probably last.

The world of news is noisy because they have to hype it.

Learn.

Get out of your room and try a new skill in the real world. Go to the physical place where it’s happening, and put your ass on the line with something to lose. A vivid, visceral feeling of danger will teach you better than words.

Follow the great book.

Rules must be absolutely unbreakable. If you try to decide, each time, whether it’s OK to break the rule or not, then you’ve missed the whole point of rules.

Discipline turns intentions into action. Discipline means no procrastination. Discipline means now.

Choose the pain of discipline, not the pain of regret. Self-control is always rewarding.

Laugh at life.

They win by being playful, creative, adaptive, irreverent, and unbound by norms.

Comedy is tragedy plus time. Time belittles anything by showing it’s not as bad as it seemed. Humor does that instantly.

Prepare for the worst.

Vividly imagine the worst scenarios until they feel real (Seneca, of course). Accepting them is the ultimate happiness and security. Realize that the worst is not that bad.

Live for others.

The best marketing is considerate, and the best sales approach is listening. Serve your clients’ needs, not your own. When done right, business is generous and focused on others. It draws you out of yourself and puts you in service of humanity.

The most extreme version of living for others is becoming famous. Do everything in public, for the public. Share everything you do, even though it’s extra work.

Get rich.

Money is nothing more than a neutral exchange of value. Making money is proof you’re adding value to people’s lives.

Create your own business. Come up with a brand name that can be attached to any business. (Perhaps it’s your name.) Use it for the rest of your life on everything of quality. A recognized brand can charge a premium price, earning more than unrecognized names.

Use other people’s ideas. Ideas are worth almost nothing. Execution is everything.

Be separate—in a category of your own.

Nothing destroys money faster than seeking status. Don’t show off.

I met this young salesman. He had a good year. From the bonus, he bought his wife a Landrover for shopping. The car cost him more than 2000 euros per month. Quickly, he realized his mistake and sold the car, 10,000 down.

You only need to get rich once. When you win a game, you stop playing. Don’t be the dragon in the mountain, just sitting on your gold. Don’t lose momentum in life. Once you’ve done it, take it with you and do something else.

Reinvent yourself regularly.

Your past is not your future. Whatever happened before has nothing at all to do with what happens next. There is no consistency. Nothing is congruent. Never believe a story.

At every little decision, ten times a day, choose the thing you haven’t tried. Act out of character. It’s liberating. Get your security not from being an anchor but from being able to ride the waves of change.

In other words – be Antifragile.

Love.

Break down the walls that separate you from others and prevent real connections. Take off your sunglasses. Don’t text when you should talk.

The hardest part of connecting with someone is being honest.

Notice how you feel around people. Notice who brings out the best in you. Notice who makes you feel more connected to yourself—more open and honest.

Create.

Calling yourself creative doesn’t make it true. All that matters is what you’ve launched. Make finishing your top priority.
Suspend all judgment when creating the first draft. Just get to the end.

Most of what you make will be fertilizer for the few that turn out great. But you won’t know which is which until afterward. Keep creating as much as you can.

Stay in situations where you’re forced to show your work to others.

Keep a counterweight job. Something effortless that covers your bills. Something you can do a few hours per day but otherwise not think about. It gives discipline and regularity to your life. It gives deadlines and freedom to your art.

Let the deadline of death drive you. Create until your last breath.

Don’t die.

Avoiding failure leads to success. The winner is usually the one who makes the least mistakes. This is true in investing, extreme skiing, business, flying, and many other fields. Win by not losing.

Most of eating healthy means just avoiding lousy food. Most of being right is just not being wrong. To have good people in your life, just cut out the bad ones.

Make a million mistakes.

People who avoid mistakes are fragile, like the robot that only walks. Your million mistakes will make you someone that can’t be knocked down.

Make change.

Don’t accept anything as-is. Everything you encounter must change. Preservation is your enemy. Only dead fish go with the flow.
Begin by righting what’s wrong. Look for what’s ugly: ugly systems, ugly rules, ugly traditions. Look for what bothers you.

If you can fix it now, do it. Otherwise, aim lower until you find something you can do now. Make it how it should be.
Don’t worship your heroes. Surpass them.

Balance everything.

All bad things in life come from extremes. Too much of this. Too little of that.

When you’re balanced, you’re unlikely to get stressed. You’ve got a stronger foundation and a resilient structure. You can handle surprises and make time for what’s needed.

Schedule everything to ensure a balance of your time and effort. Scheduling prevents procrastination, distraction, and obsession.
Even creative work needs scheduling. The greatest writers and artists didn’t wait for inspiration. They kept a strict daily schedule for creating their art.

As said, these are the things I found important. The book is full of things for you. You can get the book through Derek’s site: https://sive.rs/.

Alain De Botton – The Consolations of Philosophy

In The Consolations of Philosophy, Alain de Botton helps us put life’s difficulties into perspective. De Botton guides us through the works of a number of well-known philosophers (Socrates, Epicurus, Seneca, Montaigne, Schopenhauer, Nietzsche) and distills lessons from their work.

The Consolations of Philosophy

From Socrates we learn to examine the statements of self-confident people. Oftentimes you find these statements can not stand up to even mild scrutiny. So, subject their convictions and also your own premises to criticism. Support your beliefs with good answers to counter arguments.

Epicurus tells us that epicurean is actually not, as opposed what we often associate it with today, equivalent to being an unbounded bon-vivant. Instead, Epicurus tells which components are more important than “stuff” for our well-being: friendship, freedom, reflection.

Seneca learns us to enjoy the beautiful things of life, but to always be prepared to loose these acquirements. And to not get freaked out when this happens.

Do not assume the world is conspiring against you. Annoying things happen to you while no one is aiming to hurt you. You are not being sabotaged.
(Even better, to speak with Kevin Kelly, the world is conspiring to your success: pronoia.)

Motaigne states that he who thinks he is wise, is in fact a fool.

The banal physical things can not be denied. Even the king has to shit and it stinks too.

Our culture is not the norm. Our habits and rituals are just as strange as those from a distant Indian tribe in the jungle of South America. Arrogance is misplaced.

Wisdom and scholarship are different things. Wisdom is rarely taught in schools. Not (just) philosophers are able to lead a virtuous life. Also a poorly-educated worker can live wisely and “produce” wisdom. (Grandmother’s wisdom).

Schopenhauer strikes me as a grumpy man. It is not our intelligence that steers our decisions, but the unconscious. Our intelligence is busy justifying our decisions through the construction of logical reasonings. Very much like Kahneman has found: fast decision making is done by our System 1 thinking, which is impulsive and subjective. Our System 2 is more thoughtful and slow, but tends not to correct System 1 decisions but rather justify those decisions.

Love between man and woman is only successful if our unconscious thinks that it may produce good offspring. Procreation is what drives all this, unconsciously. Consoling consequences: when your love is declined, this is only because nature predicts an unsuccessful reproduction, not so much because the other person dislikes you.

Nietzsche explains there is no joy without difficulties. Difficulties are necessary prerequisites for joy.

From the efforts of the craftsman follows the genius of the artist. Genius is not born but created. The route to follow learning your crafts: sublimate, spiritualize (internalize), elevate. Do not resign to things that are too difficult to achieve, but instead fight to achieve these. There is no other way.

See also Beauty and Consolation.

Stillness is the key – Ryan Holiday

I find it impossible to summarize this book. The title Stillness is the Key says it all.

To Seneca and to his fellow adherents of Stoic philosophy, if a person could develop peace within themselves—if they could achieve apatheia, as they called it—then the whole world could be at war, and they could still think well, work well, and be well.

And it’s not just the Stoics.

It’s a powerful idea made all the more transcendent by the remarkable fact that nearly every other philosophy of the ancient world—no matter how different or distant—came to the exact same conclusion.
Ryan Holiday illustrates the ideas around stillness this very entertainingly and convincingly, looking at stillness from the perspective of Mind, Spirit and Body.

Stillness is mastering your mind to stay equanimous during the most difficult moments in our life.

We must cultivate mental stillness to succeed in life and to successfully navigate the many crises it throws our way.

To achieve this, we must control our thoughts, and always be aware of what is going on inside us. And that is very hard.

Being present demands all of us. It’s not nothing. It may be the hardest thing in the world.
That space between your ears—that’s yours. You don’t just have to control what gets in, you also have to control what goes on in there.

Stillness is clear is also That seems contradictory to emptying our minds to be fully present. It is. And we have to accept that.

There is, on the surface, a contradiction here. On the one hand, the Buddhists say we must empty our minds to be fully present. We’ll never get anything done if we are paralyzed by overthinking. On the other hand, we must look and think and study deeply if we are ever to truly know (and if we are to avoid falling into the destructive patterns that harm so many people). In fact, this is not a contradiction at all. It’s just life.
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Your job, after you have emptied your mind, is to slow down and think. To really think, on a regular basis. . . . Think about what’s important to you. . . . Think about what’s actually going on. . . . Think about what might be hidden from view. . . . Think about what the rest of the chessboard looks like. . . . Think about what the meaning of life really is.

Holiday is very practical too. For example, he tells us to journal, as it helps to clear the mess in our head.

How you journal is much less important than why you are doing it: To get something off your chest. To have quiet time with your thoughts. To clarify those thoughts. To separate the harmful from the insightful. There’s no right way or wrong way. The point is just to do it.

Journaling and clear thinking allow us to create awareness of what is really going on in our heads.

Wrestle with big questions. Wrestle with big ideas. Treat your brain like the muscle that it is. Get stronger through resistance and exposure and training.

Find mentors, in persons, in books.

Find people you admire and ask how they got where they are. Seek book recommendations.

We achieve wisdom, but it poses another contradiction we have to live with.

Wisdom does not immediately produce stillness or clarity. Quite the contrary. It might even make things less clear—make them darker before the dawn.

To achieve stillness, we must master our imposter sydrome, and replace it with confidence. With confidence your can know what matters. We know when to ignore other people’s opinions, and when to listen.

It’s a nagging, endless anxiety that you’re not qualified for what you’re doing—and you’re about to be found out for it.
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Of course, this insecurity exists almost entirely in our heads. People aren’t thinking about you. They have their own problems to worry about!
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[Confidence] is an honest understanding of our strengths and weakness that reveals the path to a greater glory: inner peace and a clear mind.
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A confident person doesn’t fear disagreement and doesn’t see change—swapping an incorrect opinion for a correct one—as an admission of inferiority.

Achieve Mastery through openness. Mastery drives the greatest productivity, through creativity and collaboration.

Entrepreneurs don’t walk the streets deliberately looking for opportunities—they have to open themselves up to noticing the little things around them.
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The closer we get to mastery, the less we care about specific results. The more collaborative and creative we are able to be, the less we will tolerate ego or insecurity. The more at peace we are, the more productive we can be.

We let virtue drive what we do. We must ask ourselves essential questions. And we must overcome the wounds from our youth.

Which is why each of us needs to sit down and examine ourselves. What do we stand for? What do we believe to be essential and important? What are we really living for? Deep in the marrow of our bones, in the chambers of our heart, we know the answer.
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Free yourself from wounds of your youth. That was you. You are now your adult you, not the scary child from your youth.
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Each of us must break the link in the chain of what the Buddhists call samsara, the continuation of life’s suffering from generation to generation.

Overcome desire. Follow Epicurus’ test, you develop spiritual strength. Be content with what you have.

What will happen to me if I get what I want? How will I feel after?
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To have an impulse and to resist it, to sit with it and examine it, to let it pass by like a bad smell—this is how we develop spiritual strength.
There is no stillness for the person who cannot appreciate things as they are, particularly when that person has objectively done so much. The creep of more, more, more is like a hydra. Satisfy one—lop it off the bucket list—and two more grow in its place.

Appreciate the beauty of life. Be open to experiences.

The term for this is exstasis—a heavenly experience that lets us step outside ourselves. And these beautiful moments are available to us whenever we want them. All we have to do is open our souls to them.
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There is peace in this. It is always available to you. Don’t let the beauty of life escape you. See the world as the temple that it is. Let every experience be churchlike.

Realise there is a higher power. Not everything is centered around you.

… admitting that there is something bigger than you out there is an important breakthrough. It means an addict finally understands that they are not God, that they are not in control, and really never have been. By the way, none of us are.
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The common language for accepting a higher power is about “letting [Him or Her or It] into your heart.” That’s it. This is about rejecting the tyranny of our intellect, of our immediate observational experience, and accepting something bigger, something beyond ourselves.

Attend to your relationships. Relationships give meaning to your life. It let’s you focus others instead of yourself.

Life without relationships, focused solely on accomplishment, is empty and meaningless (in addition to being precarious and fragile). A life solely about work and doing is terribly out of balance; indeed, it requires constant motion and busyness to keep from falling apart.
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The notion that isolation, that total self-driven focus, will get you to a supreme state of enlightenment is not only incorrect, it misses the obvious: Who will even care that you did all that?
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Which is why stillness requires other people; indeed, it is for other people.

Tame your anger. Anger is counterproductive in the long run. Seneca already came to this conclusion. And so did the Bhuddists.

Seneca, marble bust, 3rd century, after an original bust of the 1st century; in the Staatliche Museen zu Berlin, Germany
Seneca

Seneca’s argument was that anger ultimately blocks us from whatever goal we are trying to achieve. While it might temporarily help us achieve success in our chosen field, in the long run it is destructive. How excellent is excellence if it doesn’t make us feel content, happy, fulfilled?
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The Buddhists believed that anger was a kind of tiger within us, one whose claws tear at the body that houses it. To have a chance at stillness—and the clear thinking and big-picture view that defines it—we need to tame that tiger before it kills us. We have to beware of desire, but conquer anger, because anger hurts not just ourselves but many other people as well.
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Our stillness depends on our ability to slow down and choose not to be angry, to run on different fuel. Fuel that helps us win and build, and doesn’t hurt other people, our cause, or our chance at peace.

Realise we are all one. We are unique, but we are all necessary. To understand all is to forgive all. No one is alone is his suffering, or joy. It let’s us know where we can contribute to the larger ecosystem we are part of.

Finding the universal in the personal, and the personal in the universal, is not only the secret to art and leadership and even entrepreneurship, it is the secret to centering oneself. It both turns down the volume of noise in the world and tunes one in to the quiet wavelength of wisdom that sages and philosophers have long been on.
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The less we are convinced of our exceptionalism, the greater ability we have to understand and contribute to our environment…

Learn to say no, and yes.

In every situation ask: What is it? Why does it matter? Do I need it? Do I want it? What are the hidden costs? Will I look back from the distant future and be glad I did it? If I never knew about it at all—if the request was lost in the mail, if they hadn’t been able to pin me down to ask me—would I even notice that I missed out? When we know what to say no to, we can say yes to the things that matter.

Develop habits, routines to conquer the uncertainties in life, and limit your option, gain focus.

The truth is that a good routine is not only a source of great comfort and stability, it’s the platform from which stimulating and fulfilling work is possible.
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Ah, but the greats know that complete freedom is a nightmare. They know that order is a prerequisite of excellence and that in an unpredictable world, good habits are a safe haven of certainty.
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The purpose of ritual isn’t to win the gods over to our side (though that can’t hurt!). It’s to settle our bodies (and our minds) down when Fortune is our opponent on the other side of the net.
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When we not only automate and routinize the trivial parts of life, but also make automatic good and virtuous decisions, we free up resources to do important and meaningful exploration. We buy room for peace and stillness, and thus make good work and good thoughts accessible and inevitable.

Do not hang on to things.

In short, mental and spiritual independence matter little if the things we own in the physical world end up owning us.
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It’s also dangerous. The person who is afraid to lose their stuff, who has their identity wrapped up in their things, gives their enemies an opening. They make themselves extra vulnerable to fate.
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Take action. Get out from under all your stuff. Get rid of it. Give away what you don’t need.

We need moments of quite and solitude to be able to think and be with our thoughts.

The wise and busy also learn that solitude and stillness are there in pockets, if we look for them. The few minutes before going onstage for a talk or sitting in your hotel room before a meeting. The morning before the rest of the house wakes up. Or late in the evening after the world has gone to sleep. Grab these moments. Schedule them. Cultivate them.

Do not let your work absorb you.

Work will not set you free. It will kill you if you’re not careful.
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It’s human being, not human doing, for a reason. Moderation. Being present. Knowing your limits. This is the key. The body that each of us has was a gift. Don’t work it to death. Don’t burn it out. Protect the gift.

Very practical indeed. Get enough sleep.

We have only so much energy for our work, for our relationships, for ourselves. A smart person understands this and guards it carefully. The greats—they protect their sleep because it’s where the best state of mind comes from. They say no to things. They turn in when they hit their limits.

Get a hobby, leisure. It does not mean to do nothing, and to escape from reality. I means doing something that at the same time relaxes us. And it is not our job.

In Greek, “leisure” is rendered as scholé—that is, school. Leisure historically meant simply freedom from the work needed to survive, freedom for intellectual or creative pursuits. It was learning and study and the pursuit of higher things.
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To do leisure well—to be present, to be open, to be virtuous, to be connected—is hard. We cannot let it turn into a job, into another thing to dominate and to dominate others through. We must be disciplined about our discipline and moderate in our moderation.
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That’s the difference between leisure and escapism. It’s the intention.

Escapism. Don’t delay or flee life. Distance yourself from problems, take a walk, find some room for quietness.

When you defer and delay, interest is accumulating. The bill still comes due . . . and it will be even harder to afford then than it will be right now. The one thing you can’t escape in your life is yourself.
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Tuning out accomplishes nothing. Tune in. If true peace and clarity are what you seek in this life—and by the way, they are what you deserve—know that you will find them nearby and not far away.

Do good. Stillness does not mean living like a hermit. Stillness helps to find what is important.

High-minded thoughts and inner work are one thing, but all that matters is what you do. The health of our spiritual ideals depends on what we do with our bodies in moments of truth.
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Do the hard good deeds. “You must do the thing you cannot do,” Eleanor Roosevelt said. It will be scary. It won’t always be easy, but know that what is on the other side of goodness is true stillness.
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If you see fraud, and do not say fraud, the philosopher Nassim Taleb has said, you are a fraud. Worse, you will feel like a fraud. And you will never feel proud or happy or confident.
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If we want to be good and feel good, we have to do good. There is no escaping this.

Death.

It’s scary to think that we will die. As is the fact that we cannot know for certain what will happen when death comes, whenever that is. Is there such a thing as heaven?
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It was Cicero who said that to study philosophy is to learn how to die. Most of this book has been about how to live well. But in so doing, it is also about how to die well. Because they are the same thing. Death is where the three domains we have studied in these pages come together. We must learn to think rationally and clearly about our own fate.
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We must find spiritual meaning and goodness while we are alive.

Marcus Tullius Cicero.
Cicero

As good as The Obstacle Is The Way. And of course Seneca’s own works Innerlijke Rust and De Lengte van het Leven.

Seneca over Fortuna te slim af te zijn en af en toe eens lekker doorzakken

boek omslag seneca innerlijke rust

In Innerlijke Rust (boekje uit dezelfde serie als De lengte van het leven) geeft Seneca antwoord op vragen van Serenus gesteld in een brief aan Seneca. Serenus was een vriend van Seneca (mogelijk een drinkvriend en tevens het hoofd van de brandweer van Rome – niet ter zake doend detail).
Serieus vraagt Seneca of hij hem kan helpen bij het bereiken van een meer stabiele ‘state of mind’ (hij heeft daar wat meer woorden voor nodig).

“Wat jij wilt is iets groots, iets geweldigs, iets bijna goddelijks: je door niets uit je evenwicht laten brengen. Deze psychische stabiliteit heet bij de Grieken euthymie, en daar heeft Democritus een uitstekend boekje over geschreven. (Ikzelf spreek hier van ‘innerlijke rust’, …)”

En dat is de kern dan van dit boek. (Het boek van Democritus is verloren gegaan volgens de vertaler Vincent Hunink.)
Seneca noemt een aantal symptomen, die steeds op neerkomen op ontevreden zijn met onszelf, en onvervulde verlangens koesteren. Om daar vervolgens helemaal in te verzwelgen.

buste van seneca

“Ze vinden geen uitweg, want ze zijn hun verlangens niet de baas en kunnen er ook niets mee doen. Het leidt tot stagnatie en algehele lethargie.”

Wat nu?

Vervul een publieke functie (Serenus vraagt zich af of hij zich terug moet trekken of een publieke functie moet vervullen). Dat traint jezelf en je helpt ook nog anderen. Een grote geest kan zich echter ook in het privéleven ruim ontplooien. En leert ons en passant dat dat geen probleem is, want kwaliteit verloochent zich niet.

“Trek jij je dus terug om te schrijven, dan heb je meteen alle weerzin tegen het leven afgeschud. Je hoopt dan niet meer dat het avond wordt, omdat je genoeg hebt van het daglicht. Je bent niet langer een last voor jezelf en een overbodige figuur voor anderen. Je trekt veel mensen aan die je vrienden worden. Echte kwaliteit blijft namelijk nooit verborgen, hoezeer die ook in de schaduw staat, maar heeft een duidelijke uitstraling.”

Seneca schrijft ook hoe belangrijk het is bij jezelf te blijven en jezelf te kennen. Bij wat je doet.

“Je moet nagaan of jouw karakter beter past bij praktische activiteit of bij rustige studie en reflectie. Vervolgens moet je de kant kiezen waar je talenten liggen.”

Maar je moet jezelf niet overschatten, anders kan je bezwijken onder je ambities, en het moet zinvol en eindig zijn.

Bezit en kapitaal: hecht er niet aan, zegt Seneca want het is slechts een bron van zorgen. Reken er op dat je het kan kwijtraken. Altijd.

“Daarom moeten we bedenken dat kwijtraken veel erger is dan het niet te bezitten.”

En hij verhaalt van Diogenes wiens slaaf vluchtte en hem niet wilde terughalen. Want niet te kunnen leven zonder de slaaf dat zou pas vreselijk zijn.

“… Mijn slaaf is gevlucht. Beter gezegd: ikzelf ben vrij geworden.”

Seneca leert ons Fortuna niet te vrezen door je steeds te realiseren dat alles geleend is, op tijdelijke basis. En zo is het met spullen, en ook met het leven. En dat is dan een kerngedachte bij Seneca.

“Maar wie beseft dat bij zijn geboorte ook meteen de dood in het pakket zit leeft volgens dat contract. En zijn mentale kracht heeft tegelijk nog een ander effect: niets van wat er allemaal gebeurt komt voor hem onverwacht.”

Seneca gaat verder op zijn pad naar geestelijke rust. Mijd uiterlijk vertoon, leg ongebreidelde ambities aan de ketting. Zorg dat je weinig ruimte inneemt, hoe meer je nodig hebt hoe

makkelijker je bent te vinden door vrouwe Fortuna. Bezit de boeken die je wilt lezen, maar bezit ze niet ter decoratie.

schilderij van Fortuna, by Jean Francois Armand Felix Bernard

“Bij mensen die totaal niet lezen zien je complete collecties retorica en historiografie met boekenplanken tot het plafond.”

Berust toch in je toestand. Laat je verlangens niet de vrije loop, maar in plaats daarvan richt je op de dingen die haalbaar zijn. Maar ook dan moet je beseffen dat het uiteindelijk allemaal niet veel voorstelt. Stel je eigen grenzen om overmaat te voorkomen.

Maak je verder niet zinloos druk, of om zinloze zaken, maar richt je op belangrijke ervaringen. We lazen dit ook al in De lengte van het leven.

“… elke inspanning moet ergens verband mee houden, ergens op gericht zijn.”

En bij alles wat we doen moeten we rekening houden met de tegenslagen die kunnen optreden.

“Vandaar ook dat we zeggen dat een wijs man niets overkomt tegen zijn verwachting.”

Hij zegt het niet met zoveel woorden, maar met deze houding word je zelfs sterker van tegenslagen. Een robuuste houding die opties open houdt. Antifragile avant la lettre, zoals Taleb ook schrijft.
Zoek vrienden, liefst wijs, maar in ieder geval een zo min mogelijk slecht mens. Maar pas op.

“Er is in ieder geval één groep waar je alle contact mee moet vermijden. De negatievelingen. De eeuwige zwartkijkers. De lui die alles zullen aangrijpen voor geklaag en gemopper.”

Want die verstoren jouw innerlijke rust.

Tenslotte schrijft Seneca ontspanning voor, en af en toe doorzakken mag.

“Wie goed uitrust staat op in betere conditie en met meer energie. …
Soms geeft ook een rijtochtje, een reis, een wisseling vang streek nieuwe energie, of een gezellig samenzijn en ‘vrij drinken’.
Een enkele keer mag het ook wel eens komen tot een dronkenschap.”

Vlieg eens uit de bocht, dit brengt goddelijke inspiratie.

“… daarom is afwijken uit de normale baan nodig. Weg galopperen, op de leidsels bijtem, je ruiter meevoeren en naar hoogten brengen waar hij zelf niet naar had durven opstijgen.”

Ik vermoed dat Serenus de kroegmaat van Seneca was.

Een breed leven brengt diepe gerustheid – Seneca over de lengte van het leven

Ik kreeg dit prachtige kleine boekje De Lengte van het Leven. Een moderne, strakke moderne vertaling door Vincent Hunink.
Als eerste introductie tot het stoïcisme las ik eerder al Ryan Holiday, die Marcus Aurelius als rolmodel nam voor zijn The Obstacle is the Way. Zeer benieuwd naar meer door Holiday en ook Ferriss‘ podcasts.
Zoals de titel als suggereert gaat Seneca in dit boekje in op de lengte van het leven, maar belangrijker nog, hoe een lang betekenisvol leven in te richten.

Mensen klagen hoe kort het leven is en hoe snel het voorbij vliegt, maar volgens Seneca is het leven niet kort gooien we het met bakken overboord. Maar het moet goed aangepakt worden.

“.. een bescheiden bezit dat wordt toevertrouwd aan iemand die er goed op past groeit met het gebruik.”

Seneca geeft richting aan het leven en formuleert een aantal adviezen voor zijn lezer. Choose Yourself, zegt Seneca. Richt je leven niet op anderen, om hen te pleasen, maar veel belangrijker is je eigen leven zo rijk mogelijk te maken.

En stel niet uit wat je wilt, denk niet de belangrijke dingen aan het eind van je leven te kunnen inhalen.

“Het is te laat te beginnen met leven bij de finish. Verstandige plannen uitstellen tot je vijftigste of zestigste, je leven willen starten op een punt dat weinigen bereiken: wat een dom gebrek aan bewustzijn van je sterfelijkheid.”

Geen tijd hebben is een hachelijk excuus. Een drukbezet mens is compleet als hij dit weet te combineren met een betekenisvol leven, voor zichzelf.

“Niets past minder bij een drukbezet man dan weten te leven, de moeilijkste leerstof die er is.
…
Het tekent een groot man, geloof me, een die uitsteekt boven de menselijke dwalingen, om niets van zijn tijd te laten weglekken.”

Het leven ligt in het nu, het verleden is geweest, daar ligt de zekerheid, de toekomst in onzeker, en het heden zo kort.

“… Het grootste verlies aan leven komt door uitstel. … Waar kijk je naar? Waar reik je naar? De hele toekomst ligt nog in het ongewisse, leef nu!”

En weet oppervlakkig geluk te vermijden, want dat is van korte duur.

“Juist het grootste en mooiste levert zorgen op… Om zo’n geluk in stand te houden is ander geluk nodig. Nieuwe wensen  formuleren is vereist zodra wensen in vervulling zijn gegaan.”

Dan komt Seneca bij het alternatief. Hoe dan te leven: door de wijzen te volgen. Door kennis te nemen van degenen die voor ons geleefd hebben en hun ervaringen in ons leven te voegen. Seneca zet ons aan tot lezen van boeken, het leven te verbreden door het te vullen met de ervaringen van de wijzen voor ons.

“Mensen die tijd maken voor wijsheid, dat zijn de enigen die rust en vrijheid hebben, de enigen die echt leven. Want het is niet alleen hun eigen bestaan waar zij goed naar kijken, heel het verleden voegen zij daar aan toe.”

Dus neem kennis van de wijzen voor ons (Seneca noemt de Grieken Zeno, Pythagoras, Democritus, Aristoteles, Theophrastus, maar je kan je een moderne varianten voorstellen).

“Elk van deze denkers heeft alle tijd, elk van hen zal een bezoeker gelukkiger en met meer liefde voor zichzelf wegsturen…”

Omhels hogere zaken want dat leidt tot een zinvol  bevredigend leven.

“Maar je kunt je ook bezighouden met heilige, hoogverheven zaken, en dan kom je heel andere dingen te weten.
…
Je moet omhoog, van de grond af… Dat brengt je in een levensstijl waarin jou veel goede inzichten te wachten staan, waarin jij deugden koestert en beoefent en lage passies vergeet. Je hebt dan weet van leven en sterven, en je kent een diepe gerustheid.”

Met grote gerustheid heb ik ook uit dezelfde serie Seneca’s Innerlijke Rust aangeschaft.